Tips in Dealing with difficult teenagers

Teenagers aren’t the same as children. As they start to mature will take control over their own life whether you want to or not. And as they gain maturity will take more control. Whether you intend to share it with them or not they’re going to take it. As this control shifts, it can become a little frustrating for the parents. It can be quite frustrating for teenagers too. Especially if the parents are trying to cling to control that they no longer have the authority to hang on to. It becomes a battle of control.

Three rules for control battles.

Rule#1 – Avoid them.

Don’t give in to them unless you have to. Avoid those control battles.

Rule#2 – If you can’t avoid them, win them. If

you can’t avoid the power struggle; you make sure you win it.

Rule# 3 – You pick the issues.

You pick the issues as long as you pick something you control; you’re going to be safe.

There are two things in life: Things that you can control and things that you cannot control.

Pay attention to the stuff you do control. So, you have to be discerning about what you control and what you don’t. Who controls how your teenager shows up at school? Well, they do. How about substances? You know alcohol, other drugs, smoking, vaping, whatever it is. Teenager controls that stuff. How about their attitude? How they handle friends? How they handle cooperation? How they handle language? How they handle piercings or tattoos?  And how they handle whatever it is, that’s in their control?  They reach an age where they’re going to take the control even if you’re not willing to share with them yet right?

You as a parent, what do you control?  Can you be positive if you’ve gotten out of control teenager? Stay positive. Why? because it changes how you feel. It changes your life. You get to have more joy. You get to have more fun. When you’re positive, it may or may not change anything that your teenagers doing. And that’s a whole different conversation. You start from being positive and you always get to choose your own attitude. As a parent, I always control what I provide. I control that.

You have a moral, legal, ethical obligation to provide certain things for your children. If you don’t, that’s called neglect or in more severe cases, abuse.

 Things you need to provide.

1. You must love them.

Your job is to love them. No matter what and even if it’s free. They don’t have to qualify for it, they don’t have to earn it, you’re going to love them no matter what and even if.

2. “air”.

   I know you don’t provide air to them. But you have no business depriving them of it either. You got to let them have their air.

3. “water”

I know you don’t provide air to them. But you have no business depriving them of it either. You got to let them have their air.

4. “food”

I’m talking sustaining life energy here. I don’t mean preferred food. That’s not on the required list but food nutrition is.

5. shelter

In most societies includes appropriate clothing.

These are the five freebies. Let’s be clear about those, you don’t get to mess with those.  You provide access as a parent. Why is it important to focus on this? Because what you provide, you control. And outside of the five freebies, everything is negotiable. So now notice this.  Your child, you’re your teenager controls this stuff. You control all of this stuff. What are the things that you worry about?

 We’re worried about this and that but we don’t control any of that. That means, we have a deal in the making.

 I will control some of the things on this list, in the way that you like, in exchange for you controlling some of the things on this list, in a way that I like.” It’s simply an economic transaction. Now if you’re coming from a positive place and just keep this in mind, okay? Because when parents are smiling, kids are thinking. They are wondering what you’re up to. What do you know that they need to tune into? Well, that’s kind of where I want my kids to be. So we come from a positive place and we offer, “hey, I would be happy to control this thing in a way that you like if you will control this thing in a way that I like, deal? Now can they throw that back in your face? The answer is YES!

Well, what do you do? You simply accept that they have rejected your offer. What if it looks like this, “hey buddy, I know you’ve been kind of struggling with school and it’s not fair for me to keep nagging you.” We call it reminding. What do they call it? Yeah, nagging. “Hey buddy, it’s not fair for me to be nagging you constantly about the school you know, I’m not going to do that anymore. I trust you to make good decisions about school and how you’re going to handle things. Because it’s really important to me, here’s what I’d be willing to do….’ Now we’re going to our lists right? If your child did not accept the offer you want it to be, you say, “okay, let me know if you change your mind.”

It is an everyday challenge but be positive and we will get there!

I’m a teen.

I have a messy room. I spent most of my time online.

I have private things on my phone. I go to bed late &

I am crazy about one person.